| Being the
Top - Giving and Taking Pleasure We've all heard it before. Are you a top, or a bottom? Some say they are both - while others are strictly one, or the other. If you're the type of guy that likes to be the top then you know exactly what I am talking about…the common misconception that just because you're a top you're also dominant! This can be true, but it doesn't always have to be. The other misconception is that a top has to be bigger than the bottom. The top is usually considered the 'butch' in the relationship, and may, or may not, resemble a football player. I am here to tell you this is the biggest misconception of all! One of my very best friends is 5'4. He's what you would label as petite. He can't bench press half his own weight, and he's extremely feminine in appearance. If you look at him you know he screams gay. His voice is even soft and feminine. I must say that I seriously believed this friend was perfect bottom material. Obviously, I was wrong. My friend, as charming as he is, only dated large boys. He liked the football player types that could bench press twelve of him. He also liked them to be the takers. His enjoyment came from bending them over and showing them who was boss. You can't really argue with that because I saw more than one teddy bear pass through his boudoir in the years we attended college together. Being a top is much more of a mentality than a way of life. Some reasoning would point to it being a power thing. The control a top feels when he's giving a man pleasure, or taking it from him if you will, is the biggest reward for a top. Other reasoning may point to the fact that it is an anus-phobia issue. Since many tops do not want to be takers at all the thought is that they do not like anal sex performed on them. This isn't always true, yet the stimulation that is felt while the top is topping is far more intense than any other position the top will be in. If you're a top you're never going to truly be satisfied unless you find the right bottom for you. Two tops do not often survive a relationship, though I am sure it can be done. Of course, one man is going to eventually give in and be the bottom. Still, anything is possible! As the top in my own relationship I can tell you that I find myself much more dominant in nature. I look out for my lover/bottom. He is much more submissive than I am. Our roles as top and bottom extend past the actual boundaries of the bedroom, and that is just what works for us. However, as I mentioned previously, not every relationship is going to be like this. Every couple is individual in their wants and needs. When the needs of the bottom mesh with the needs of the top, only then can the relationship truly be fulfilling for both parties that are involved. You may find that your relationship is more of a 50/50 thing outside the bedroom. You both look out for one another, and it's a much more give and take on both ends. Yet, once you step into the bedroom you're ready to take charge of the situation. This is perfectly fine as well. Your relationship is your relationship. No one else has the right to tell you (or your bottom) how your relationship should go. If they do you may firmly remind them that it truly is none of their business - you know that what is right for you is right for you whether it be right for everyone, or not! In the end your relationship is never defined by top and bottom. Of course, this may have some bearing on whom you choose to date, or commit yourself to. Yet, once that decision has been made you have so many other relationship-based things to worry about that the 'bottom and top' aspect will seem more and more less important than it had seemed at one time. For more information read Man to Man: The Ultimate Guide to Gay Sex. |
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