| When He
Can't Get It Up: How To Deal With Impotence In Your Gay Relationship
In the mythological gay world every man is an Adonis. His perfect looks, winsome personality, stellar fashion sense, and amazingly large phallus are the icing on the cake. As for the latter, it is perfect in length, girth, and - of course - it is hard at every moment of the day. While this is a lovely thought it is not reality by any stretch of the imagination. Once we wake up from our dream we realize not every man has what is considered the "perfect" penis. In fact, the vast majority of men have something they claim to not like about their male sex organ. Whether it is too short; too long; too small in girth; too wide; too crooked; too straight; or has the quality that is typical for a minute man, no two penises are alike. So, while realizing that gay males have just as many problems as straight males do in terms of aesthetics as well as functionality, the issue of impotence is important to consider. No man wants to imagine he cannot have sex. However, it is a reality for some men, gay or straight. Whether they are old or young does not matter. Impotence can embarrass even the manliest of men and make him ashamed to even attempt to have sex, let alone initiate it. Impotence is nothing to be ashamed of. It is a legally diagnosed medical condition that can be caused by many different things. The inability to have an erection usually has nothing at all to do with a man's desire for his partner. When a man gets a hard-on many things work to make the penis hard. Everything starts in the brain. As a man becomes aroused, for whatever reason, the nerve impulses in the brain react, sending messages down through the spinal cord. As the message is being sent the muscles, arteries, veins, and fibrous tissues are responding to the arousal. This may include physical touching, though erection almost always occurs mentally, making the man hard prior to stimulation. In an impotent man something isn't quite right as the message tries to make its way from the brain to the penis. The most common cause of impotence stems from a problem with the penis. Arteries, veins, tissues, and muscles working together to sustain an erection may become damaged in such a way that the message cannot accurately flow from the brain to the penis. The damage to the internal phallus can occur through a variety of diseases and surgeries. Many men with diabetes are impotent. Other causes of impotence include prostate surgery; MS (multiple sclerosis); kidney disease; vascular disease; atherosclerosis; excessive alcoholism; drug abuse; medications (such as high blood pressure medicine, antidepressants, and antihistamines); spinal cord injuries; groin injuries; liver problems; and bladder problems. Additionally, doctors believe impotence can be caused by psychological factors like stress and anxiety, or fear of hurting their partner. Likewise, sex can be personally physically uncomfortable or painful for some, and this fear of pain can cause impotence. The treatment for impotence is well known. Men can take drugs like Viagra to sustain an erection. These drugs have given men (that might have been previously afraid of attempting sex) a chance to lead healthier, happier lives. In essence, erectile dysfunction medication has opened up a whole new world to these men who believed that the world had long ago forgotten them. So, what can you do if your partner becomes impotent? First, be calm! We all know how it is to overreact when we think the end of the world has come. There is hope lurking right around the corner. You need to remember this. Your partner is going to need your encouragement and reassurance. Make sure he knows you are willing to stick it out with him during this difficult time. He's most likely feeling incredibly self-conscious, so the reassurance will be appreciated. Secondly, you need to discuss his options with him. Impotence is going to affect both of you - whether you want it to, or not. You will need to discuss what course of action he plans to take. Chances are, he'll want to do something about his impotence, so convincing him to do something isn't going to be a major issue. Just make sure he knows you support his decision no matter what. He has many options. The first option is to go to a doctor to discuss his problem. He may, or may not, want you to go with him. Ultimately, this will be up to him. However, you probably will be considered needed for his moral support. The doctor may look for the cause of impotence. If it is physical, the physician will discuss ways of which treatments are available. If it is psychological the doctor may refer your man to a psychologist. He will receive treatment regardless of whether he goes to the psychologist or not, but if he does go he may find the key to sustaining an erection on his own again. So, depending on the cause of his impotence he may also be attending regular sessions with his psychologist. Along with treating the physical cause via disease control or treatment, other options for treatment include psychotherapy, surgery, and erectile dysfunction medication. The success rate for treatment is high, and whatever he decides should be supported fully. If you positively, absolutely cannot handle his impotence then you need to make sure you leave before you become entangled in the situation. Yet, impotence is very treatable! Why would you want to throw the love you two share away when the odds are the situation is temporary, and not permanent - and you will be able to resume your normal sex routine once treatment is sought? Impotence is a problem that affects millions of American men, both straight and gay. Being gay doesn't mean you need to leave your man just because he's impotent. In the end, waiting for treatment, and supporting this endeavor, can only strengthen your relationship. For more information read Man to Man: The Ultimate Guide to Gay Sex. |
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