| Dealing
with Cheating There's few things more devastating, or harder to deal with, than being in a committed relationship and finding out that your lover has cheated on you. Even if you are in an 'open' relationship, just finding out that something was done behind your back, and 'secretly' is the same as an infidelity. There's no worse hurt than to feel trusting of you r partner's fidelity, to allow yourself this trust, and then to find out that you weren't the only one sharing his bed! That knowledge alone has the ability to break your heart and can cause you to call an end to your relationship immediately. The other option can sometimes be to carry on with the relationship, but to never be able to feel secure in it again, but rather to have it hosted with your day-to-day policing of his each and every move! Once you have discovered your significant other is cheating you have two basic choices - you can stay, or you can leave. Problems, unfortunately, will occur in both instances. If you go you'll have to deal with a broken heart; may go through a time where you wonder why this has happened to you; and may lose the ability to feel secure and trusting in any future relationships. On the flip side of that, you may choose to stay - in which case, you will go through a l-o-n-g period of mistrust, which is understandable, and a lot - I mean an awful LOT - of work to repair your tarnished relationship. There really is no easy way to decide what to do, and no easy solution to getting yourself or your relationship where it was in the 'pre-infidelity' stage. If you and your partner had a mutual decision to have other partners 'on the side', that is fine - but if one of you is committed, and the other is interested in seeing more than one person, there will be a problem. And monogamy is something that is just not suitable for some men. Unfortunately, this fact doesn't make you feel any better, especially if you believed you were in a committed relationship - in fact, it is quite unfair to you. Loss of trust is a huge issue in any relationship, whether it be a personal or a working relationship, and you can expect to spend your days wondering where your lover is, or if he is telling you the truth and being faithful. It is important that you realize that your partner's cheating rarely, if ever, had anything to do with something you did! If your lover were completely dissatisfied with your relationship, he would not have been in it to begin with. Even if he was, it was his job to confront the situation (or you), or to end the relationship…not to cheat. His cheating is not about you at all, but rather an issue with him, himself. Still, you may feel compelled to find out the reason 'why'. You feel that if you can just get to the 'why' of the infidelity then you would be able to insure that it never happens again. If you are seriously interested in staying with your lover even after he has cheated on you then now is the time to have a deep discussion with him. You need to find out if he cheated on you because he wasn't interested in being monogamous. If this is the case then you may need to decide if you can share him. Poly relationships work well for many homosexual men. If you are okay with him being with other men, or even if you share them together, then your relationship may be able to survive. However, if you cannot handle the thought of sharing him, and he cannot be monogamous, there is no real way to save the relationship and you may just have to cut your losses and move on. If he is able to admit that he needs to be with other men to be happy - and you cannot handle that - then end the relationship now. You will never be happy, and chances are you will end up paying for it far worse down the road, than if you leave ASAP - before any more of your heart and hopes are invested. Remember, commitment is not for every man, and, unfortunately, some of them don't realize that until they are hurting some really great guys. However, at some point you will see that it's really not you, and you will find a guy that appreciates all you have to offer! Until then you need to be able to realize that relationships have to be filled with compromise. If your partner cannot fill your needs - no matter how much you love him - he will never be the one for you. The key to true relationship happiness lies within the ability to accept, trust, and be honest with each other. If you can't have this in your relationship, then the relationship doesn't exist to begin with. And remember, no relationship is worth giving up your self-respect and peace of mind. |
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